Happy Anniversary, Happy Feast of the Apostle of Love!

​Seven years ago today, I wrote here:

Do you know what day it is as I write and officially begin this blog? It's the feast of St. John the Evangelist, the beloved disciple, the Apostle of Love "to whom secrets were revealed and who spread the words of life through all the world" (as the opening antiphon to his Mass puts it).

I am in awe of God's marvelous timing.
Marcel Van was (and is from heaven now), like St. John, an Apostle of Love, and he too had secrets revealed to him and spread the words of life through all the world.

I too would like to be an Apostle of Love. Marcel has shared his secrets with me, and especially the secret of Jesus' limitless love, and I too want to spread Marcel's words of littleness and Jesus' words of life through all the world. 

Like Marcel, I don't even need to understand exactly what it is I'm writing: I'm likely too little to understand the secrets confided to my heart and pen, even as I can say, with St. John and St. Peter, "Surely we cannot help speaking of what we have heard and seen."

But Jesus always puts it best, and I hear Him tell me as He told Marcel on Christmas night 72 years ago in 1945 [now it is 79 years ago]:

"Your duty simply consists in writing."

I rejoice in my mission of writing, and I ask my guardian angel to protect me from ever worrying for a single moment about how many people my words will reach - that is, as Jesus would tell the Apostles of Love before me, none of my business. My business is simply to write, and if I reach one single soul, it will have been worth it.

You are reading this post now, so it has already been worth it. 
 
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It was not seven years ago but twenty-three years ago on the feast of St. John the Beloved that my little family went to the (then) P.I.M.E. house on Singer Island in south Florida to attend early morning Mass with a great Italian missionary and lover of St. Therese, Fr. Nicholas Maestrini (P.I.M.E.). When I once asked him what was his favorite book of the Bible, he looked at me like I was silly to ask, the answer was so obvious.

"The Gospel of John, the Apostle of Love."

Why?
Because of the Last Supper Discourse beginning in Chapter 14 with:

"Let not your hearts be troubled."

How adorable is Jesus, telling us just before His Passion, "Don't worry about anything." How He loves us! How He asks the impossible!

One of the many reasons I loved and still love Marcel and his Conversations with Jesus, Mary, and Therese of the Child Jesus is that Jesus (and Mary and St. Therese) are forever - or at least for the entire length of this dear, long book - telling Marcel (and us through him), "Don't worry about anything." On one occasion, Jesus even says something like, "Don't worry about anything any more, ever." How's that for a commentary on His own words in Scripture?

Seven years ago when I wrote my first real post here I asked, "Why Miss Marcel?" which really amounted to "Why Marcel?" and I can answer these many moons later in the words of Bearded Jesus,, Fr. Antonio Boucher, CSsR, Marcel Van's spiritual director and novice master in the Redemptorists:

"First of all, I have been profoundly moved by the unbelievable familiarity and tenderness of which Brother Marcel has been the object on the part of his heavenly interlocutors. On the other hand, his exemplary life, his limpidity of soul, his perfect obedience to his director and his generosity in face of sacrifice favourably impressed me regarding his truthfulness and the authenticity of his communications; this, obviously, with all the reserve necessary, not wishing in anything to anticipate the final judgment which belongs by right to the authority of the Church."  (from the Introduction to Conversations)

My favorite book of the Bible is the Song of Songs of Solomon which begins, "Let Him kiss me with the kisses of His mouth." This desire for kisses from Jesus also explains my great love for Conversations because Jesus is forever telling Marcel about the kisses He has in store or is giving as they speak. And wonderfully, these kisses explain so much! On November 6, 1945, Jesus tells Marcel:

"My little apostle, remain in peace. If you are still tired today it is because of the kisses I am giving you . . . It is very painful, my child; I must do everything to repress my love before daring to give you some kisses, and in spite of these precautions, my kisses still tire you. My little friend, what will happen when you receive the real kiss? The effect of this kiss will be to draw your soul completely to unite itself directly to me, nothing less. If, because of all the kisses that I have just given you with so much care, you already have a red face, my little friend, it is because you are very weak; so I must try to spoil you in a thousand ways. My dear child, accept the sadness just as you accept the caresses that I pour on you at this time."

Like Marcel, I'm a bit tired today, and that threatens to make me sad because I want to be bright-eyed and bushy tailed for every beautiful thing happening in these days of Christmas.

I was tempted to think this tiredness the natural result of staying up too late and waking up too early, but once again I've learned what I needed to know from our sweet little brother Marcel and the Spouse of his soul and ours. . . . First off, always blame Jesus! He wanted to wish me a Happy Anniversary of being Miss Marcel musing here, so He gave me a kiss to wake me, like with Sleeping Beauty (only I'd been sleeping far less long than that princess). But really, at the bottom of this tiredness-threatening-sadness is simply . . . . too many more of those kisses! What Love the Father has bestowed on us, and how very unready we are to receive His Love! And yet I wouldn't change a thing! Let Him kiss us with the kisses of His mouth! His Love is better than wine (even better than Christmas cookies and Brandy Alexanders!) - or really I should say, "Your love is better than wine, Your anointing oils are fragrant, Your name is oil poured out, that is why the maidens love you . . ."

How blessed we are, again like Marcel, to have met the fair French maiden Therese. She will teach us to follow in her footsteps, her Little Way, and even better, she teaches us to let Jesus scoop us up in His arms to take us to the Father, Who will then embrace us and allow us to live in His Love eternally. 

For whatever sadness that we feel - with Jesus and Marcel we call them bitter sweets in the box of chocolates He's given us - there is plenty more happiness to (over)compensate. These are the truly sweet chocolates, the Scotchmallows of the box, and here is how Marcel explains it, the reason he gives for his joy.

"My Jesus, why am I so happy today? I am so happy that it is impossible for me to continue to write the story of my vocation [his autobiography]. From the moment when I gave to my sister Saint Therese of the Child Jesus the name of 'sister,' I have been overcome with such joy that it has been impossible to hold my pen firmly enough to write. This joy lasted all day, except after the siesta when I felt a slight headache that disappeared immediately." (November 1, All Saints Day, 1945)

Yes, that familiar blend of joy, siesta, and a slight headache! 

Marcel, thank you for being our dearest little brother! Thank you for being the second St. Therese and the second Apostle of Love! Give St. John, the first Apostle of Love, a kiss for us! Give another - a big, smacking kiss like she requested in letters to be given to others - to our sister St. Therese.

And what shall we ask you to give Jesus and Mary and good St. Joseph? Please pass along three choice kisses to them along with a tender caress for Mary, a smile and thank you to our father St. Joseph, and a sweet little slap for baby Jesus. Nothing painful, just a soft little slap on top of the swaddling clothes covering His truly human infant bottom. Then kiss each of His darling hands for us, each of His adorable fingertips, and reassure Him that we have learned our lesson from Therese and just for today we are trying to remember it: we know it is His darling hands that guide everything. 

But we didn't finish our quotation from the Song of Songs . . . and our favorite prayer from our sister Therese comes here, for she stole it - the little thief! - from the Bride:

Draw me; we will run!!!

Merry Christmas! And happy feast of Jesus' beloved disciple, St. John. May he share with us the secrets he learned leaning on Our Savior's Sacred Heart, and may all of Heaven remind us: 
​No more need to worry about anything, any more, ever!